It’s almost the time.
25 years ago now, my mother’s belly started to hurt. Her colleagues and students were sending her to the hospital, everybody was nervous in the way. My dad was still on the way from Shanghai to Ningbo. 25 years ago, it took 15+ hours from Shanghai to Ningbo by sea ship. Was his feeling describable? Was he able to fall asleep during the long night on the sea? I guess not.
At that time, my mother was a teacher in a medical school in Ningbo and my father was a soldier in Shanghai. They’d married for five years but were separate most of the time, because of their jobs.
My mother’s belly was extroadinarily big then many thought she was going to have twins. They sent her to the surgery room where she could have her belly cut open manually (I don’t know the term for this in English). It happened that her teacher was on duty in the hopital that day and it was an extroadinarily busy day for him, many mother-to-be s were queuing for his surgery. “Ach you! Go bear your baby by yourself, I believe you can make it!” He said to my mother.
Mum made it.
The lady who helped mum delivering me was her teacher too. She said I was a lot longer than other babies that day, which made my mum’s belly so big and hurt her a lot when I came out. I was long but thin, weighed 3600g when born. Mum’s salary was around 3 or 4 euros a month, plus my dad’s still under 10 euros a month at that time. She had most of her meals in the Mensa (German word for student restaurant but it’s not like a real restaurant….) of her school, nothing very special when she was pregnant.
Almost the second day, finally my dad arrived. In the corridor, when he was hurrily walking towards mum, he met our neighbour, an old granny who had a very kind heart but old-fashioned mind. “A girl….but still not bad.” said she.
Mum soon went to work again and often took me to her school. Before long I became a live toy of her colleagues and students.
….
Last year today, mum was in Germany together with me. I was studying for my exams, she walked down and up the Kreuzberg, got a big cake for me. She cannot speak German, her English is inadequate for shopping. But she made it all by herself. When we were climbing the Kreuzberg together, I could hardly catch her, always asked her to walk slower and wait for me. Shortly before she came to Germany, she was diving in sunny Australia. Her skin was totally red, I almost couldn’t recognize her in the airport. In the group whose members were mostly young people, she was one of the few people who dared to dive without any experience.
We took bus for several times in the town when she was here. We got on a bus driver’s bus twice and the second time when she saw him, she recognized him before I could, almost jumped towards him and shaked his hand with two hands, saying “Heya, it’s you again! Nice to meet you again!….” loudly, in Chinese. The bus driver recognized my mum too (we asked for a routine when we met the first time, he explained it in detail to us) and was greatly delighted, he was also speaking loudly and fastly to mum. They two talked to each other for quite a while, in different languages. I didn’t attempt to translate anything. They could understand each other well. My mum always made it wherever she goes to.
Later she found the town was too tiny for buses. She walked out everyday, took pictures of the city and my campus. She had been to almost every corner of my city all by herself, some places even hasn’t been visited by me. I worried about her losing her way home. She said she could always saw the roof of the church in the centre of the town. If she knew how to reach the church then she knew how to get to my dorm. She brought me fresh fruits and/or cakes from the city almost everyday when she was here. She got acquainted with a German boy who was photographing too when she was taking pictures in the campus. They couldn’t understand each other’s language but it hardly mattered. She mentioned him excitedly when came back, vividly told me how they managed to communicate by gestures, expressions and sound. (It was no surprise. When I was at home, whenever my friends visited me, my mother was always happy and excited, always actively helped our party, made delicious food, told interesting stories even played all kinds of games with us. She always easily became the centre of attention even though it was not her intention. My friends loved her food and stories. )
Living in the warmest love and energy of my mum’s, those days were my most memorable days in Germany so far.
When we were having my birthday dinner last year, she said the biggest pity in her life was that my dad didn’t have many chances to see her during her pregnancy. “Your dad saw me only 2 or 3 times when I had a big belly. I was most beautiful and proud during those days all my life but your dad was not there, what a pity!” I think my dad was very lucky to have such a loving wife.
One evening during the Christmas I was typing emails to my friends, my mum made dinner ready and asked me several times to go for dinner but I didn’t go quickly, lost temper when she called me again and again and shouted at her to stay silent and let me finish typing. When I finally went to the kitchen, she was crying. At that time, almost nobody else was in the whole campus area, her weeping in the dark night was especially heart-breaking. I stucked there for several seconds and then was burst into tears too. I said sorry to mum again and again and we hugged together. She said while weeping “No…no….I don’t cry for your shouting at me….but I think you are too poor….you are so lonely here….I didn’t anticipate anything remotely like this….you are so lonely but there’s nothing much I could help….you couldn’t understand my helplessness….under this situation….only when you yourself become a mother….I was sad the very moment when I arrived at your dorm but tried my best not let you know….but just now I couldn’t help myself anymore….” Then I said there was really nothing to cry for. She and dad feed me well, not every student from China can comfortably live on parents but they protected me so well by hard working in China….I told mum I always thought I’m lucky…..She cried even harder, saying “No you don’t understand….”. We hugged together and crying. It was unforgettable. After a while she stopped, wiped out my tears and her own and turned into high spirit almost immediately. “Na, let’s eat and think of something happy….” She started to tell stories and jokes again. Finally I was put at ease and had a good dinner. In the night my dad called, she didn’t want to say too much. I thought she was in fact still sad, but tried her best to cheer me up.
The first time when I came to Germany, many mothers were crying in the airport but my mum didn’t. Last time when I was at home, dad’s driver told me the truth. After my plane took off, they had lunch in the airport but mum was weeping and couldn’t swallow anything that day, she couldn’t fall asleep until received my first call from Kaiserslautern.
….
I tried my best to focus on my classnotes today but couldn’t really. All the trivial events in the past kept hovering around and I just wrote down what happened to appear in my mind. I’m in tears now and cannot continue anymore. 25 years ago at this moment, it was the biggest moment in mum’s life. Jan. 24th is my mother’s festival….Happy fest my dearest mum….I would hold it my biggest success and satisfaction in my life if after 25 years my children would miss me like I’m missing my mum now, would start to understand the heart of a mother….and I hope after 25 years my mum would still be there talking and laughing together with us, if there’s tear I wish it could only be happy tear. Dearest mum thank you for giving me life and love….
Very touching… Thank you.